Do It Like Her

It's a beautiful, relaxing night and I finally get to sit down on my soft, blue couch and turn on the tv after a busy day at work. Oh yea! I remember to get the lights, so I unwillingly heave my aching body to reach for the switch. Ah- much better. The lights off, the housework done, and now I can finally relax. Wait- I forgot the candles. So I get up once more and light one as a curious furry golden friend looks on.

Ok...now I can sit back and relax! Finally...my almost varicose veined little legs get some pampering (ie. the act of sitting down 'bends' the legs). Half an hour into a tv show, I snuggle up on the couch savouring each moment.

Then, a sudden waft of an unfamiliar odour sweeps across the room without warning.

Ugh! What is it?

Offensive, malodorous, fetid, and so pungent, I have to squeeze my nose and blink real hard several times to make sure my nose wasn't playing tricks on me.

Is it the scented Dusk candle I had just lit? I bend over and sniff the candle at a safe distance. Nope, that still smells like peach.

Is it the rubbish I hadn't emptied since the morning? I stand up and face the rubbish bin. Nope, it's been done and the bin is empty.

Could it be the food I just cooked? Nope, I just ate it and it tasted non-offensive although sometimes it can be less than that.

Then I realise.

I slowly shift my focus to a ball of golden fur right under my nose. It felt my gaze and a starry eyed head pops up and looks at me intently. It blinks a few times and yawns melodiously, as though it had just been to wonderland and was interrupted by my unfaltering gaze.

Ewww! What did you do!! I shout out in disgust as I pulled a cushion to my nose. It didn't do much, as the pungency increased gradually and reached a peak enough to kill a vampire. For a moment I tried to be optimistic, and I tought of the best that could happen- at least it would help rid some household bugs. But the intensity and the scope of the smell, I thought, was enough to sweep out a whole nation of roaches, ants and flies, and maybe some grasshoppers and crickets too.

But how could anyone be offended if the culprit had a face like this?

(Java's innocent post-easing look)

If you have to do it, do it like her.



JOYFUL UPDATES:

I received this today in the mail, along with a letter from R.O.P.E: