The Class

Panicking, I drove round and round the hospital looking for parking. Street parking was max 2 hours, and hospital parking was on the other side of the hospital which was further away from the House. And I was running late! I then thought of a clever idea- to park at the Obstetrician's office. Aha! Free, safe, and there was no one there! yipee!

Everyone was greeted by a young lady at the door, whom I thought would be a receptionist of some sort. She was young, pleasant, sweet, and thin (not that that matters), and greeted us with a chirpy smile and ticked off our names from her chart.

I entered the room feeling a little awkward. Everyone else was with their partners/husbands, except me. H had come down with a last minute cold and didn't want to infect all the other preg women in the room (yeah right!). Scanning the room for a good place to nestle in for the day, I felt like a new student who tried to fit in with the rest of the class. Then I spotted the perfect place- right at the back in a quiet little corner. There were three empty seats between two couples, so I had the choice of sitting next to one couple or the other or right in the middle of the three seats.

"Is anyone here?" I pointed to the seat next to a pleasant looking young woman, S.
"Oh, no, oops I better move my bags!"
"Hi, I'm R."
" Hi! I'm S. Nice to meet you," she said with a lovely, welcoming smile. "And this is C," her husband.
"Now is your partner really down with the flu?" C's head popped out of nowhere and he gave me a wink.
"Well, yea he does....we've paid and everything but he didn't want to infect everyone else here," I tried to keep straight face although he could probably tell I was a little disappointed.
"Damn! I should've used that excuse, " C said cheekily. We both laughed and then waited for the class to start.

S and C were from country WA, they lived 2 hours away from the hospital. Absolutely lovely, S was only my size- I was SO glad someone was at last as big/small as me!! And no, she's no where near Asian.

"Hello everybody, my name is Z, and this is J. We're midwives, and we will be taking this class today," the bubbly, smiley, happy 'receptionist' started the class as if she was bursting into song. Oh! I didn't know midwives could be so young. And she had been one for about a decade! She looked in her early thirties at the most. Hmm...this would be an interesting day.

"Alright. Now, this is what your baby looks like at 29weeks. It's only 1kg, I just weighed this doll, but it feels pretty heavy," She passed a replica of a 29week old baby around the class. It was really heavy for a small thing indeed! We were all surprised. Then she went on the talk about the positions of the baby eg. breech, or whatever other positions the baby can be in. It was quite graphic, the descriptions, but the tone of her voice and her smiley face evened it all out.

Then she went on to explain the comfortable positions to be in for the labouring mother. They provide beanbags and fitballs in the labour wards! I never knew a beanbag or a fitball would come in this handy. And we were also told on when to call the hospital to come in to deliver, and how the midwives could tell what stage of labour we were in just by the sound of our voices over the phone.

"Lets move on to....the PLACENTA!" she exclaimed with such excitement and joy I nearly fell for it and got excited myself. She pulled out a model of a placenta made from cloth (it almost looked like a cushion) which had an 'umbilical chord' attached to it.

"So, this is the baby's lifeline. If they find the chord sticking out before the baby is born, it's a Caeser. If the chord is cut, the baby's lifeline is gone. But it's ok once the baby is out because it can breathe on it's own and support it's own life. ok?"

"Sometimes, the guys faint because when the midwives say 'push!' or 'breathe in and out now' to the women, the guys end up holding their breaths for too long and breathing in and out for too long so they fall over. Make sure you know you're not the one pushing, its your partner!"

Then I noticed some tension at the far end of the room. Two couples were sending out stress signals but no one seemed to notice. Z continued chirping on with her placenta model and didn't see what was going on. A husband was slumped over in his chair, his wife trying to wake him up by tapping him on the shoulder. Then she shoved him. But no response. He was still slumped over. Pale and slumped. For a moment I thought we might have lost the guy, he seemed so lifeless and a sick feeling passed through my bones.

"Err...excuse me excuse me..." the wife tried to sound calm as she called out to Z to pause the class.
" Are you okay?" Z came around next to him.
No response.
A minute or so later, he took in two big, heavy breaths as if life had just found its way back into his soul.
"Huh...wha..? Oh..sorry.." it seemed he didn't know what just happened.
Phew! Everyone in the class could breathe again. The other couple sitting right next to him looked like they just saw a ghost. I was glad and thanking God that he was alright for now. So off he went, to rest and later home. His wife of course, continued the class. So that made two of us.

Actually there was three of us. A 48-year old woman showed up late and she was 33 weeks pregnant! Her voice was rough, she had piercings in her ears and gold chains and bangles clanging against each other. She looked rather uncomfortable and unnatural and it turned out she was terrified of giving birth. Who would'nt be at 48?

The day went on smoothly with a tour of the labour rooms, the birthing suite which looked like a hotel room but only for 100% natural smooth labours (which is why it is always empty and we could have a look at it), neonatal ward, and post delivery rooms. A very compact and neat hospital indeed, but I could imagine becoming claustraphobic in no time. We were to stay at least four nights after giving birth, and the midwives explained how emotionally and physically draining it would be for the both of us.

When I think midwife, I used to picture a middle aged post menopausal grumpy woman who was imposing and dominating. But these two midwives changed my perspective completely! Just based on the things they said and how passionate they were about babies, I now have a renewed mindset on what midwives can be like. Even the way Z was holding the baby doll showed she cared for babies although it was only a doll. They didnt' take sides, didn't impose anything on us and gave us both sides of the story for every single question we had.

The Class was definitely worth it, it cleared up some misconceptions and I am now more prepared for the big day. However, I am still terrified of the fact that a human being is supposed to come out from inside of me and the changes that follow. With six weeks to go, the level of discomfort is rising each day. And I still wish babies grew on trees.